I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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