remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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