If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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