i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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