I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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