just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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