I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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