dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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