ya dads aren't the best wingmen
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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