I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drunk is not a location!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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