I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
