Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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