the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
