my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
