Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
