We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
