my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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