Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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