if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
