please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
