I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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