At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This is my gift to your gina
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
