oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
