some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
