apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
