Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
