You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
