Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
