i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
BRING THE BAGELS
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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