So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
