i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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