I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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