you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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