so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Two words: nipple clamps
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
