The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
