end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
