Only a mothe r could love this liver
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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