it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
