my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
