I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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