I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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