I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
