Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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