does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
