If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
