last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
