she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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