i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
