i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
