I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
