Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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