at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
